We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
