yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
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Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
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I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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