We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Vodka?
Forever.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
