but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
