he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
