butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
