If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Randomize
