yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
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She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The adults are the big ones right?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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