he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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