I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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