Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
