Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
