ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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