sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
