If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I CAN MOONWALK!
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
