legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
it glows. i had to have it.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
