why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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