It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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