What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
