I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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