Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
