so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
there is puke in my bra ... again
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
