Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
