I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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