I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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