May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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