so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
