i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
