The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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