Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
