it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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