I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
