Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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