i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
