Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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