thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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