dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
