Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
