girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
