I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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