Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
