I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He has the fingertips of a God
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