some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
