I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I am available for nakedness
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
