I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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