Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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