Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She needs sedatives and a leash
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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