We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
