...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
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He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
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Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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