ya dads aren't the best wingmen
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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