I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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