benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
