God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
