I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
