Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
