i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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