after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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