i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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