I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
