So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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