So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
