I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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