And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
