Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
