just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
