In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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