that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
