Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
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No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
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And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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