So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
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i would one night stand the shit outta him
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
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Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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