As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
