Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
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she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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