The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
