I just cut my nipple shaving
the day after is always just damage control
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
