When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
